I can't stop idealizing my first love even though things got really bad?

Honestly, its good if you leave, it'll give him A LOT of time to think about how he just ruined a long beautiful relationship by his stupidity of aggressiveness, and that you as a woman, you don't deserve that kind of treatment, so, you get a break from him.do something to distract yourself, and make him feel soooo bad that he just begs you. Don't call him, don't answer phone calls, don't e-mail him or even answer them. just pretend he didn't exist just for a while, IF you want him to regret everything and come back to you. When a woman ignores a man after a break up, it drives them NUTS. So, make him wait while you pick yourself up. I understand it must hurt, but believe me, if you want him back and for him to love you even more and regret what he's done. you should give it time. if he loves you, he will wait, because then he'll realize that he really did hurt you, which will also hurt him 10x more.